FUN HIKE...

Sridevi ..Beautiful even at 46...

2009-11-04T21:36:00.001-08:00

Good!!!!

2009-10-28T02:28:00.001-07:00

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant -- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

OMAX - Wide angle lenses - Ad.

2009-10-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

NONSENSE: DARE TO READ!!

2009-10-22T23:29:00.001-07:00

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> Mind Boggling.. ul break ur head tryin to understand dis… :)
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> 17 Years Later
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Laid back Irresponsible Roommate Wanted : bangalore

2009-10-22T23:28:00.000-07:00

Laid back Irresponsible Roommate Wanted

Missing your college life. those funfilled carefree days ,Are you cursing da real world with its bills, long work hours, and 2 day weekends!!

Come ..stay with us no rules .no restriction

WE HAVE THE WORKS WE HAVE THE ATTITUDE, WE HAVE THE BIKES WE NEED SOMEONE TO PITCH IN

My friends and myself are looking for a friend (note the word friend) to share a lovely 3 BHK at Singassandra . We are a group of Keralites staying together..partying together .. working at Infosys.One of our friends got transferred to Hyderabad. GOD SAVE HIS SOUL!!!

The house:

-A big airy flat in an apartment big enough for guests/drunken friends lol..

-Three bedrooms with 3 attached bathrooms l

-Big, bright kitchen with work area , Our cooking is famous through out the area ,We have killed more stray dogs with it than all the buses in HOSUR road
-Large living room with 3 balconies

Your potential roommates:

1. A jack of all trades who is fun ,happy go lucky and have just written this stuff without his PM seeing.

2. A quiet guy who owns acres of land in his native town but still prefers to slog his life working in Bangalore . He is the accountant in our group and takes care of all the bills and nick nakes.

3. An artist who imagines himself to be the next greatest musician after Rahman . He might suddenly come into your room at midnight and makes you listen to his latest attempt.

4. A casanova who prefers hanging out trekking and hanging out so much that we generally are surprised to see him at home .

5. An aspiring perfectionist (His biggest dream is to be a model in Parijay 2010) who wakes up at 7 have breakfast from 7 30 , juice at 9 u got the idea rite J

You :

- Young at heart preferably male, though we're getting a bit desperate and, females, if you can make a good case, we may consider it.

- Infoscion , another techie ,grad student . won the lottery.. whatever. Able to pay the rent and bills on time and in full and do more than hold down the couch all day.

- Should be ready be ready to come for midnight biking to Nandi hills or eating out at Paramount/Empire at 12.

Random Info:

ü Wi-Fi Internet , Cable ,Newspaper ,Milk ,washing machine, Geysers (all the works)

ü Basketball , Badminton ,Swimming Pool ,Table Tennis , Gym

ü We'd really like someone interested in being here long-term, like 6 months or longer

ü We generally will have friends over on weekends .Yes!! , You can bring your friends into the flat , and we will join you to make sure that they have a blasting time.

What it will cost you:

- Rent comes to around 1400 per month

- Advance is Rs.8571 (Refundable)

- Maintenance Rs.442 per month

NO!! We DON'T keep any maid, we generally teamup and clean our own mess because we simply prefer our privacy

Okay, so not short, but if you're interested, Call one of us . Thanks!

The Malayali Identity in Alphabets

2009-10-22T23:27:00.000-07:00
FW: take a luk

A:A is for ‘Adipoli’!!! The most done to death and still most well-liked word to express exhilaration, contentment, and almost everything that’s just better than usual.

B:is for bandh!!!!kerala’s best celebrated festival.

C: is for coconut oil....yes!If u are a malayali reading this,u’ll most probably find it in surplus amounts on your head,or on the pazhampori u are munching on right now!For a mallu, life is just incomplete without this!

D:D is for Dasettan or K J Yesudas!Malayali’s very own musical angel.

E:E for elephant!! They have such a special place in every malayali’s heart. Appearing mostly as the main attraction of your temple festival or in your local daily in his most violent form after killing his mahout. But do we stop loving them??naaaaaaaaah!

F:F is for fish!!!fish fry,fish curry,grilled fish,fish pickle, sun dried fish..everyone’s invited!!!

G:G stands for gold!!!No matter how high the prices soar, gold continues to be the malayali woman’s best friend!

H:H is for the hot posters of the matinee adult flicks lavishly stuck all around the town with the most tasteless names.

I: Inquilab Zindabad! Need I say more?

J: J is for Jack fruit,the official fruit of Kerala.

a
K is for our very own KSRTC bus service!!a quite decent transport service compared to its distant cousin..(refer P for that)

L :L is for lungi! The most comfy male attire any one could ever invent!

M is the most important letter in a malayali’s glossary
Ms for ‘maxi’ the official home dress of Kerala!
M stands for Mammooty and Mohanlal the uncrowned kings of Kerala!
Manorama n Mathrubhoomi, the ultimate newspapers u find in Kerala,
Mimicry n mono act, what every malayali does best!……

N:is for Naseer, the most adored hero of all times!!

O:O for Onam,Onakkodi,Onasadya,Ona paattu,Onapookkalam,Onam celebration in workplaces,schools and colleges and of course the never ending Onam shopping!!!

P: Private Buses!with names ranging from 'Unnikuttan'to 'St.Patrick', these come in all bizarre colours equipped with a wide collection of the most irritable mappila paattu ( dhoom machaale otherwise),these are the most deadly killers on the road, housing drivers who’d give Kimi raikkonen a competition, conductors who only know to shout, and the super flirtatious and ultra stylish, ‘kilis’ or cleaners with coloured hair,huge sideburns,long pointed n brightly painted nails n a heavy dose of chandanam from the nearby temple…a very rare species only found in Kerala!

Q:Quotation team ;) ! ! ! ! ! !

R is for reality shows.,the new fad in Kerala.”ningalkkente paattu ishtaayengil enikku vendi sms ayakkuka!sms cheyyande format..xyz space 1234”

S:S is scandals! A malayali’s best source for every day entertainment!
Or sharjah shake,a malayali’s instant tummy pleaser

T: T stands for Tea stalls or chaayakada! malayali’s fave beverage!

U: U is for umbrellas,You’ll find the most amazing collection of umbrellas in kerala with additional plug ins like a torch,a timepiece,a puzzle game and believe it or not..even a thermometer!!

V: V stands for our very own Venad express!

W:W is for White! the colour that best compliments the lush greenery of Kerala, found in the simple mundu and neriyathu with a thin gold border that makes god’s own country look all the more heavenly.

X:Xmas!Xmas cakes!Xmas stars,Xmas cards,Xmas exams,Xmas holidays,Xmas Fathers,Xmas carols,Xmas friend!No one enjoys xmas like malayalis do.

Y: Youth Festivals, an arena to showcase your kids’ myriad talents ,the results of which which often end up in courts.

Z: n finally Z stands for the most toughest letter to pronounce in the world-‘Zha’..well u need to be a mallu to get that right!

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

2009-10-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

“Where the *uck is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

CELEBRATE

2009-10-22T23:25:00.000-07:00
Short Funny
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !'

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...

CARS

2009-05-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

Kolkota Knight Riders

2009-05-04T23:39:00.001-07:00

Billionaire Richard Branson has refused a sponsorship deal for the Kolkota Knight Riders.

He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked in every game  .

For the uninitiated, Richard Branson is the chairman and owner of Virgin Group J

Vodafone Zoozoos ADs - not animation. humans in body suits.

2009-04-29T23:28:00.001-07:00

No, they aren’t animated characters. They are human beings who were made to wear body suits. “The design of the characters is such that one gets fooled into thinking it is animation,” shrugs Rao, which was indeed the very illusion that had to be created. “In a sense, it is ‘live’ animation!” he quips, referring to the fact that it was all shot live.

Prakash Varma, ad filmmaker, Nirvana Films, has directed the commercials, and reveals that the Zoozoos were a big challenge to create. The practical aspects of how they will move, talk, gesticulate and emote were very important. Essentially, costume design and artwork were crucial elements.

“It took me three weeks of pre-production to understand how it will work,” says Varma. There were two fabrics that were considered for the body suits, and one was rejected for it had too many wrinkles and was shiny. The wrinkles would have shown when the characters moved, thereby shattering the illusion of animation. “So we chose the more practical, thicker fabric,” Varma explains.

The production team divided the outfit into two parts: the body and the head. The body part of the outfit was stuffed with foam in some places, while the head was attached separately. To make it look bigger than a human head, a harder material called Perspex was used, which in turn was stuffed with foam (with scope for ventilation).

If one wishes to understand the size of this head, here’s a fact: a human head would typically reach up to the mouth level of this giant Zoozoo head. “We kept the hands and legs thin, which is why we cast women – and occasionally children – wearing the costumes,” says Varma. The thin limbs, contrasted with big bellies and a bulbous head, all add to the illusion that these creatures are ‘smaller’ than humans. Sets were created to suit the size of the Zoozoos.
Cinematically, this ‘size’ was a trick: the creatures look smaller than they actually are on screen, to portray a different world of sorts. For this, the speed of shooting was altered: Nirvana shot it in a high-speed format to make them look the size that they do.
Furthermore, simple sets/backdrops were created and spray painted with neutral Greys – a colour of choice so that attention isn’t diverted from the main characters. For a supposedly ‘outdoor’ shot, even the shadow of a Zoozoo was kept ‘live’ and not done in post production: it was painted in a darker shade of grey on the ground. An even lighting was maintained throughout.
There was virtually no post production work done.
The films were shot by Nirvana in Cape Town, South Africa, with the help of a local production house there, called Platypus. Incidentally, the same combination of people also worked on the ‘Happy to Help’ series last year. When asked whether Cape Town is fast becoming a tourist spot for Vodafone and Nirvana, Varma laughs, saying, “Oh no! It’s just that we are very comfortable with the team there and know what sort of work to expect from them.”
Nagpal adds here that the production cost had to be minimal for unveiling such a large number of commercials. “Otherwise, our production costs would exceed media spends,” he quips.

WHERE AM I?

2009-04-17T07:00:00.001-07:00

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,

drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.

The pilot's sign said, "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,

drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER". The pilot smiled,

waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."

Want a job in Bajaj Allianze???

2009-04-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

Best Way to Keep Cool in Summer

2009-04-05T22:53:00.001-07:00

Strange quotations - some funny and some serious

2009-03-25T20:55:00.001-07:00

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places !

Your dog is telling you that it can talk? it's lying !

I don't believe in Astrology. I am an aquarain and aquarians do not believe in astrology!

All generalisations are false, including this one!

I do not believe in superstition - it brings me bad luck!

I'm sorry this letter is so long, but I did not have time to make it shorter!

Although this may seem a paradox, all exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation !

Some say there is madness in his method.
I say there is method in his madness !

Although this may seem a paradox, all exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation !

The observer, when he seems to himself to be observing a stone, is really, if physics is to be believed, observing the effects of the stone upon himself!

You don't believe in Past Life / reincarnation? you said the same thing in your past life!

Never argue with a woman

2009-03-25T04:36:00.001-07:00

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left..

#end

BASED ON YOUR SUN SIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK!!

2009-03-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

If you have finished relating your birth signs to ANIMALS, BIRDS, FRUITS, COLORS, NUMBERS, TREEs………… Happy
Reading!!

ARIES
Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a
night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks,
and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I sa good way to get what you
want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume
that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the
same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you
sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS
Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a
full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop
inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining
and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is
not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious
(full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when
intoxicated.

GEMINI
Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty
and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like
puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which
is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round --
repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello)
for their own amusement.

CANCER
Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or
six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs
must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating
themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get
'tired and emotional' (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and
spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will
do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO
Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good
drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware
they're darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they
loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with
the one what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it
(try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO
Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy
quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking
booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but,
oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and
they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to
declare, 'I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight.' A toast to the sub genius
IQ!

LIBRA
Drinking style 'I'm jusht a social drinker,' slurs Libra, 'it's jusht that I'm so damn social?' Libra
loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra
(with Insta-Frienddevice set to 'on') or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when
bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-
control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots
waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night's
events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO
Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly
but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in
itself, and not asa personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total
obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying
flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a
Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS
Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered,
they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to
drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith
Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then
persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-
natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a
brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN
Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-
thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David
Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and
seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you to
quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a
little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute
groupie.

AQUARIUS
Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well(except for water, that is). They
have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn
than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can
get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of
holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES
Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an
addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose
themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance
fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners,
whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase 'addictive personality' can be read two ways,
you know.

No Wonder the Sri Lankan cricketers got shot...

2009-03-24T02:26:00.000-07:00

Police :

The American , The British , The German and The Pakistani .

This is called Student....Just have a look at this !!!!!!!!

2009-03-23T04:41:00.000-07:00

Chinese vs Spielberg

2009-03-23T04:37:00.000-07:00

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies,” It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

30 BEST ONE LINERS

2009-03-23T02:35:00.001-07:00

1.Some of them are really that provoking, save it for a relaxed afternoon.

2.Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

3.Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

4.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money)

5.Death is hereditary.

6.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

7.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

8.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

9.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

10.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

11.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

12.Well done is better than well said.

13.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

14.They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

15.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

16.Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

17.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

18.Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!

19.Love thy neighbor, but be sure her husband is away.

20.Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

21.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

22.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

23.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

24.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

25.Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

26.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

27.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

28.For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

29.Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.

30.Intelligence is not trying.

Chinese English - Hinglish doesn't stand a chance

2009-03-19T04:08:00.001-07:00

Ajit Agarkar

2009-03-19T02:21:00.001-07:00

Dream Boy of today's Gals ...

2009-03-18T23:18:00.000-07:00

What A Coincidence!

2009-03-18T23:15:00.001-07:00

A chicken farmer went to a local bar where he sat next to a woman and ordered a
glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too."
"What a coincidence," says the farmer. "This is a special day
for me ... I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too. I am also celebrating," says the
woman.
"What a coincidence!" says the farmer. As they clinked glasses the
farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my
gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant."
"What a coincidence," says the farmer. "I'm a chicken farmer
and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying
fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman. "How did you chickens become
fertile?"
"I used a different cock," replies the farmer.
.
.
.
.
.
The woman smiled and said, "Remarkable coincidence."
--------------------

The Super computer

2009-03-18T22:55:00.001-07:00

One day, Pete complained to his friend,"My elbow
really hurts. I guess I should
see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at
the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and
cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your
urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and
tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a
jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00. The computer started making
some noise and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper,
which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in
two weeks.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it would change medical
science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water,
a stool sample from his dog,
and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noises, flashed
lights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.

3. Your daughter is gettin' screwed by three guys at
the same time and having urinary infection. Put her
on antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.

4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. And bastard,....... if you don't stop jerking
off, your elbow will never get better !!!!!!

How to reduce the cancer cells in your body

2009-03-18T22:54:00.001-07:00

Useful Information on one of the deadliest diseases of our time:CANCER*

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion.

When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumour destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

       a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off

sugar it cuts off one

important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar

substitutes like

NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with

Aspartame and it is

harmful. A better natural substitute would be Mï¿½nuka

honey or

molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt

has a chemical added

to make it white in colour. Better alternative is

Bragg's aminos or sea

salt.

       b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus,

especially in the

gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By

cutting off milk and

substituting with unsweetened Soya milk cancer cells

are being starved.

       c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment.

A meat-based diet

is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little

chicken rather than

beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock

antibiotics, growth hormones

and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to

people with cancer.

       d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and

juice, whole grains,

seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into

an alkaline

environment. About 20% can be from cooked food

including beans.

       Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes

that are easily

absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15

minutes to   nourish

and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live

enzymes for building

healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice

(most vegetables

including bean sprouts)and eat some raw vegetables 2

or 3 times a day.

Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees

F (40 degrees C).

       e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have

high caffeine.

       Green tea is a better alternative and has

cancer-fighting

       properties.

       Water-best to drink purified water, or

filtered, to avoid known

toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water

is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a

lot of digestive

enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines

become putrefied and

leads to more toxic build-up.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering.

By refraining from or

eating less meat it frees more enzymes to   attack the

protein walls of

cancer cells and allows the body's   killer cells to

destroy the cancer

cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6,

Flor-ssence,Essiac,

anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to

enable the body's own

killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other

supplements like vitamin E are

known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death,

the body's normal

method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded

cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit.

A proactive and

positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a

survivor. Anger,

unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a

stressful and acidic

environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving

spirit. Learn to relax

and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated

environment.

Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more

oxygen down to the

cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means

employed to destroy cancer

cells.

Top 50 Physics Major Pick-Up Lines

2009-03-18T22:53:00.001-07:00

Top 50 Physics Major Pick-Up Lines

Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
What's your resonance frequency?
Your lab bench, or mine?
Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
Wanna couple our equations tonight?
I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
Might I integrate your curves tonight?
I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
Einstein had great hair, didn't he? I just love your hair.
I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
What's that great perfume? Vacuum grease?
I love you. Please don't turn away from me just because I'm a physics major. Oh, okay, I'll leave.
A freak lab explosion left me with this 16-inch penis.
You're more special than relativity.
Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
Top quark or bottom quark?
Bartender, bring this fine lady a Scotch and H2O. Hey baby, that's just my way of saying Scotch and Water. You like?
That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?
I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
I have e=nhf tattooed somewhere else. Wanna see?
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
Let's exchange fermions!
Even the O2 you exhale is fiz-ine!!!
I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
Can I have your significant digits?
Hey baby, what's your sine?
Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
Wanna expand my polynomial?
Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. No, it's alright, I'll just go over there.
You and Me = Grand Unification
I saw your empty valence shell from way over there. Did I mention that my nickname is Sodium?
My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
I'll make you dinner. I'll make you breakfast. But in between, we'll have to have some dessert. And I'm a physics major.
How much do you charge? My paper-grading job doesn't pay a lot.
Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. Bitch.
I could get you Roahn Winer's autograph.
How do you feel about group experiments?
I got a pocket full of radium and my homeboys do too.
Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
I swear I'm not a physics major.
Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
You make me want to be a better physicist.

Make the woman happy.

2009-03-18T22:52:00.001-07:00

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return
with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawa iian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

Dealing with Rejection!

2009-03-18T22:51:00.001-07:00

Dealing with Rejection!

A handsome man in his early-thirties enters his favorite restaurant and sits at his regular table. Looking around, he notices a really gorgeous woman, in her mid-twenties, sitting at a table nearby, all alone, sipping on a glass of white wine. He calls the waiter over and asks him to send her their most expensive bottle of Champagne, with his compliments, knowing that if she accepts it then she is his.

The waiter gets the chilled bottle in a bucket and takes it out for the approval of the girl saying, "This is from the gentleman over there", pointing towards the man. She regards the wine coolly for a second, takes out a note paper and pen and writes a note for the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, at least a million dollars in the bank and you must have seven inches in your pants".

After reading the note, the man composed a reply. He handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady and to bring the champagne back to him.

The reply read: "For your information - I happen to have a Ferrari F430, a BMW M6, a Mercedes 600 and a 500 SLR in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the banks... But, even for a woman as beautiful as you, I would NOT CUT OFF TWO INCHES. So, please, just send the bottle back".

Infosys Bangalore NEW Auditorium - Capacity 1400 - Pictures

2009-03-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

Siddhu quotes

2009-03-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados. Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the
only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10.As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11.The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

19. One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

20. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

Superman was feeling bored

2009-03-18T22:40:00.001-07:00

10 on 10 . Its a classic.

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and
wanted to go out and party.

He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some
young girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see if he
Fancied a few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to
see if she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed
With her legs open and her eyes closed.

Superman thought to himself,

"So exotic, should I or shouldn't I ...wait ....I'm faster than a
speeding bullet! I can be in there out again before she knew what
happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off
happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, "What is going on? Did you
hear anything ...?"
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Hollow -Man replied, "No! But....... my ASS hurts like hell!!!!!"

RENT FOR APARTMENT

2009-03-18T22:38:00.001-07:00

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night
with her for £500.He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he
tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his
secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR
APARTMENT." On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing
that the whole event was not worth the price! So he has his secretary send a
check for £250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of £250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented
the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for £250
with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if
you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please
don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times...

2009-03-18T22:37:00.001-07:00

" When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat
our vegetables at dinner and not leave them. Mothers said, 'think of the
starving children in India and finish the dinner.' And now I tell my
children: 'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in India
who would make you starve, if you don't."



Bin Laden : American Connection

2009-03-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

A. Chandra Sen-babu's letter to the Railway Department

2009-03-18T22:35:00.001-07:00

A Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway
office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was
also reproduced under the caption *Travelers' Tales*" in the Far Eastern
Economic Review.

"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much
swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the
nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running
with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose
all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got leaved at
Ahmedpur station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait
train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honor to make big fine
on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers."

Any guesses why this letter was of historic
value?...... ......... ......... .......

It apparently led to introduction of
toilets in trains.

Read in the Sing-Song tone of Chinese - Root of all problems

2009-03-18T22:34:00.001-07:00

Root of  problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan!  It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now,  Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't  have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

GURU KAUN ?

2009-03-18T22:28:00.001-07:00

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didnt Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.


So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )

Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!

True story from IIT Bombay...Batch 1992-96

W I F E-----I bet many people can relate 2 this.....

2009-03-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as

human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your

Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that

gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as

much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who

love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family

name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you

sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment

and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook

food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,

and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,

a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as

to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that

you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than

you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at

her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing

to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy,

unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply

because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like

yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important

relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some

and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows

in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most

importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

Well... Give it a thought now!!

You MIGHT be a Malayali..........

2009-03-18T22:26:00.001-07:00

You MIGHT be a Malayali..........

If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi,
while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their
heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to
attend your cousin's wedding.

If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football , all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!

If you have more than 5 relatives working in Dufaiii, Big Time Malayali..

If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol" written on the rear
window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.

If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan,
guess what? You're a Central Travancore Christian Malayali.

If you have a Tamilian parked in front of your house every Sunday,
ironing your clothes, chances are a you are a Middle Class Malayali.

If you have more than three employee trade unions at your place of work
then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.

If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week, then You're in the
Malayali Zone!

If you describe a woman as "charrakku " Yep! Malayali.!

If you constantly refer to banana as "benana" or pizza as "pissa" you're a Malayali..

If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable oil and can't figure
out why people in your family have congenital heart problems, you might be a Malayali.

If you are going out to see a movie at the local theater with your wifey
wearing all the gold jewellery gifted to her by her parents, you are a
newly married Malayali..

If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have Malabar biriyani at Kayikka's on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin .

If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry, then, yes, you are
a Malayali..

If you have puttu – kadala for breakfast, beef olathu for lunch, and beef
curry with "borotta" for dinner, yeah, definitely Malalyali.

If your name Wilson , and your wife's name is Baby, and you name your
daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all , you are a standard Malayali.

If most of the houses on your block are painted puke yellow, fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely Malappuram Malayali.

If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition of
the song "Kuttanaden Punjayile" after having three glasses of toddy, then you are a hardcore Malayali.

If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as "touchings" then
you are one helluva Malayali.

If you're sick and your wifey rubs "Bicks" into your nostrils and gives you "kurumulaku rasam" with chakkara, (grandma's recipe) to help relieve your symptoms, Damn!! You're Malayali.

IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU
KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI. LAAL SALAAM.

All meant in fun, don't get all "SIMBLY AGITATED" and pass it on so another Malayali can laff too.
Ennu Swandam mattoru Malayali

BEST [actual] HEADLINES

2009-03-18T22:25:00.001-07:00

BEST [actual] HEADLINES

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Me and my boss....

2009-03-18T22:23:00.001-07:00

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

Indian National Anthem : The ORIGN

2009-03-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

Jana Gana Mana - Just a thought for the National Anthem!

How well do you know about it?

I have always wondered who is the " adhinayak" and "bharat bhagya

vidhata",whose praise we are singing. I thought might be Motherland

India ! Our current National Anthem "Jana Gana Mana" is sung throughout

the country.

Did you know the following about our national anthem, I didn't.

To begin with, India 's national anthem, Jana Gana Mana Adhinayaka, was

written by Rabindranath Tagore in honour of King George V and the Queen of

England when they visited India in 1919.

To honour their visit Pandit Motilal Nehru had the five stanzas

included , which are in praise of the King and Queen. (And most of us think

it is in the praise of our great motherland!!!)

In the original Bengali verses only those provinces that were under

British rule, i.e . Punjab, Sindh, Gujarat , Maratha etc.were mentioned.

None of the princely states were recognized which are integral parts of

India now Kashmir, Rajasthan, Andhra, Mysore or Kerala.

Neither the Indian Ocean nor the Arabian Sea was included, since they were

directly under Portuguese rule at that time. The Jana Gana Mana Adhinayaka

implies that King George V is the lord of the masses and Bharata Bhagya

Vidhata is "the bestower of good fortune".

Following is a translation of the five stanzas that glorify the King:

First stanza: (Indian) People wake up remembering your good name and ask

for your blessings and they sing your glories. (Tava shubha name jaage;

tava shubha aashish maage, gaaye tava jaya gaatha)

Second stanza : Around your throne people of all religions come and give

their love and anxiously wait to hear your kind words.

Third stanza: Praise to the King for being the charioteer, for leading

the ancient travelers beyond misery.

Fourth stanza : Drowned in the deep ignorance and suffering,

poverty-stricken, unconscious country? Waiting for the wink of your eye and

your mother's (the Queen's) true protection.

Fifth stanza : In your compassionate plans, the sleeping Bharat ( India )

will wake up. We bow down to your feet O' Queen, and glory to Rajeshwara (the King).

This whole poem does not indicate any love for the Motherland but

depicts a bleak picture. When you sing Jana Gana Mana Adhinayaka, whom are

you glorifying? Certainly not the Motherland. Is it God? The poem does not

indicate that.It is time now to understand the original purpose and the

implication of this, rather than blindly sing as has been done the past fifty years.

Nehru chose the present national anthem as opposed to Vande Mataram because

he thought that it would be easier for the band to play!!! It was an absurd

reason but Today for that matter bands have advanced and they can very well

play any music. So they can as well play Vande Mataram, which is a far

better composition in praise of our Dear Motherland - India.

An Old Article : 3/26/2007: On india's loss

2009-03-18T22:18:00.001-07:00

Call me what you want—a traitor, an anti-national, or a naive idiot—but I have no problems with India’s defeat to Bangladesh on Saturday.

You chose ‘naive idiot’? No problem.

In fact, now that I have your attention, let me also say this: I have no problems whatsoever with India losing not just this match but any of the other matches they may lose in this World Cup.

Or any match in any tournament, anywhere, any time.

Before I tell you why, you might like to hear a nice story. It involves Lance Klusener, not from this World Cup, or from the previous one, but the one before that in England.

After a ridiculous run-out with Allan Donald spelt finis to South Africa’s World Cup campaign in the second semi-final in Edgbaston against Australia, everybody—media, players, fans—went for Klusener with a relish that has now become familiar.

What did you do, ‘Zulu’? Didn’t you talk to Alan? We needed only one run to win. There were still three balls to go. Where was the hurry? How does it feel to drown an entire nation’s hopes and dreams like this?

Et cetera.

Klusener, later adjudged the tournament’s Most Valued Player (MVP), was a farmer from Natal. His deadpan reply is something which only a farmer could have uttered: “So what? No one died.”

“So what? No one died.”

That is the “crawler” I wish the TV channels would run at the bottom of our TV screens after two teenaged boys guided Banglaesh home. And that is the sentiment I wish newspapers had expressed on Sunday morning.

Instead, to see an entire nation beating its breasts (Call back the team-Sona on CNN-IBN), to see the faux ferocity of ex-players on TV (Zimmedaar kaun?—Aaj Tak), to see headlines like “Disaster Strikes India” (Deccan Herald), to see “heartbroken cricket fans” in Kanpur burning Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s effigy, you wonder, who are these idiots?

I am not suggesting, even for a moment, that it is the taking part which matters, not the winning. Hell, no. We should win, no question about that. But is it unreasonable or unpatriotic to say that we should also deserve to win to start with?

Unfortunately, in all the din of the manufactured excitement and fabricated expectations, amid all the yagnas and poojas for the team’s victory, we seem to have ignored one very important aspect. Which is that two teams play cricket. Usually only one team wins, and usually it is the better one.

Yesterday we were not.

But the corporates, with no greater aim than to sell more motorcycles, more mobile phones, more tyres, more televisions, more ‘chyawanprash’, more biscuits, and more cola have hammered a very subversive idea into our gullible skulls.

That only India is there to win, and that the other 17 teams are there only to help them do that.

When that doesn’t happen, as it didn’t on Saturday and as it doubtless won’t again in the future, the neo-literates of cricket, who don’t know which side of a bat to hold, act as if the end of the world is nigh.

Relax, guys. This is cricket. And this is the essence of sport. If you haven’t caught it, you should be watching WWF.

You’ve probably heard all the cliches. But it doesn’t hurt to hear them again. This is a game of glorious uncertainties. It isn’t over till the last ball has been bowled. And, yes, cricket is a funny game, but it is such a funny game that only one team is left laughing in the end.

# Simply because the newspapers and magazines, tell us through the mouths of our ex-players—who will say anything for a few thousand rupees—that we have best batting line-up in the world, it doesn’t make our batting line-up the best batting line-up in the world, no matter how many times they say it.

# Simply because Pepsi dresses up the players as tigers on a railway platform and lets them loose on a bunch of boys who have deprived them—good heavens!—of a bottle of cola, it doesn’t mean the real tigers (Bangladesh in this case) are going to tuck their tails between their legs and run away.

# Simply because our corporate giants, who have perfected the art of stabbing the nation by not paying their taxes, suddenly develop a conscience about the country and exhort the team with corny crap like ‘Come on India dikha do’ or ‘Ladega tho jeethega‘, it is not going to make India win.

# Simply because Priyanka Chopra pirouttes on stage as the West Indies team watches, or Shah Rukh Khan or Amitabh Bachchan wish the team good luck, it doesn’t mean everybody will make way for our boys in blue.

# Simply because our players ride motorcycles which are titled victor and pride and passion and ambition, it does not mean they will be automatically imbued with those qualities.

# Simply because we sent goodluck messages on the web sites of television channels or signed a giant bat or ball, simply because we send some silly SMS messages to TV channels to “Cheer for India”, it is not going to greatly improve the team’s performance.

Victory requires all this, certainly, but the only victory this will achieve is on the balance sheet of the corporates and the BCCI—not of the Indian team. The only team which has won so far is the one that comprises our TV channels who pumped in millions of dollars, the companies which spent crores in advertising their products, the media, and the players who signed up endorsements.

But victory on the field, now, that is a totally different thing. It requires the 3Ds — discipline, determination and dedication — and it requires the 3Ts — tactics, technique and temperament. Did you see it in the ‘Boys in Blue’ on Saturday night? Your answer will tell you how foolish we have been about this World Cup thing.

Hype is a very funny commodity; in fact it is funnier than cricket. In cricket, you can actually come back from behind, as the Indian team will one of these days, maybe as early as Monday when it takes on Bermuda. But hype is different. It is like toothpaste. Once you have pulled it out of the tube, you cannot put it back in.

Indeed, as you look at the expectations and the manner in which they have come crashing down, the one product you wish the Indian team was really endorsing are antacids. There has been such hype about this team that anybody who seriously loves this game and possibly even loves some members of this team should be suffering from severe indigestion by now.

But we shouldn’t hold the corporates responsible for this state of affairs. They are here in the business of selling and they will use any method that will enable them to sell more of what they make. The fault lies with us, in that we can so easily be sold so many lemons so often by the BCCI, the corporates, the media, and every other broker in between.

For more than two years now, we have been told that everything the team was doing was being done with the World Cup in mind. Teams were chosen with the World Cup in mind. The experimentation was done with the World Cup in mind. And dozens of one-dayers were played against West Indies, South Africa and Sri Lanka with the World Cup in mind.

And this is what we have to show for it?

Before the team left for the Caribbean, everybody was agreed that this was the best team that could have been chosen. Everybody was agreed that the infirmities of the recent past were behind us and that we were on a winning streak with a good chance of bringing home the Cup.

The hype-meisters—and that includes the astrologists, tarot cart readers and assorted cads television is so good at rustling up—are so adept at the art of spin, that before the Bermuda match tomorrow, we will be told that the horrors of the Bangladesh match are behind us.

And you know what? They are right. That’s the only place reverses and ghosts and defeats and horrors can be. If he could put it ahead of him, Rahul Dravid would be Nostradamus—and even the TV wallahs will concede he isn’t after he opted to bat first.

It is unkind to kick a team that is so down and out. But imagine the plight of the perplexed cricket fan to get a fix on the current fury. He, the perplexed Indian cricket fan, buys a credit card and a colour television hoping it will fetch him a “pass”. He applies for ’sick leave’ to skip work. His son buys biscuits. He bunks school and college. He goes to a fancy restaurant to catch the action. He SMSes breathlessly…

He, the perplexed Indian cricket fan, spends so much time, money, and energy for this?

Make no mistake. The Indian fan is no fool. He is well equipped to stomach defeat because he has faced greater defeats in life. It is the manner of the defeat that rankles him. He wonders, who are these dudes who mess up so often and so badly and still end up getting paid millions for it.

He sees Virender Sehwag’s feet stuck in cement as he faces club-class bowlers. He sees our young turks like Robin Uthhappa and Dhoni not even putting up the semblance of a fight like say Saurav Ganguly. He sees our “fast” bowlers who can’t strike fear in an ant hurtling across the turf. He sees our famed batting order perishing on grounds where records are being set by the dozen.

He, the Indian fan, is flummoxed. That’s why he utters all that he utters.

Pathetic, spineless, shocking, overpaid, overrated.

It is easy to get all those feelings, of course—sport evokes very primal feelings. But now imagine this from the point of view of the only people who matter in this whole debate: the players.

Here are a bunch of young guys, most of whom have never gone to college properly, most of whom cannot speak cogently, and most of whom have no other skill other than the ability to smack a ball or make a cell phone call, being asked to shoulder the expectations of a whole nation.

Is it fair to place such a huge burden on their generally slender shoulders?

Let’s not even get into the semantic swamp of whether sport really is an expression of national identity. (If it does, Saturday’s defeat should have convincingly showed what we are made of.) No, I am talking of a different kind of burden that we have placed here on our players.

We are a nation of coasters, the type who cruise along. We show so little bravery when a girl is getting raped in our train compartment. We take so few risks that people spend their entire careers at one table in the same office. We show very little nerve when our neighbour of many decades is being burnt and killed. We show very little spine to stand up to corruption, skullduggery and injustice and all those things for which we have justly become so notorious. That doesn’t bother us.

Out on the green, though, we want our cricketers to show the bravery, spine and nerve we lack, to take the risks we ourselves wouldn’t in our dreams.

If you think that is bad, what is worse is our expectations of victory at all costs and at all times. We don’t expect our Prime Minister and his team to deliver 8 per cent growth each year without fail. We don’t expect our bureaucrats and police to end ineptitude, inefficiency and corruption at close of working hours this year. We don’t expect our courts to clear their backlogs next year. We don’t expect our government to provide food, clothing, medicine and housing to all by the time its tenure ends.

Somehow, we are willing to pardon them that. But, somehow, we aren’t that accommodating about our cricket team. Why?

It has been said that the reason our impossible movies are so popular is because they offer relief, howsoever fleeting, for three hours from the poverty-stricken, disease-ridden, corrupt, communal, casteist lives so many of us lead.

In investing so much hope and so many expectations in cricket, we are obviously using cricket as a release from the misery and horror of daily life. But there is a key difference between cricket and cinema.

Movies are planned and made to script. Cricket is not, cannot, and should not be made to script (although some tried and a few are still trying). Expectations are good, but they should be reasonable. Anger, disgust, disappointment are good, but again in reasonable limits.

Let’s do everything in moderation, including moderation.

By just expecting one country (ours) to win all the time, just because Mandira Bedi’s minders can’t see any other, we are missing the woods for the trees, and beating about our tiny little bush.

The greatest, most talented, cricketing talent is on display in this World Cup showcase. If you cannot cheer for a Gibbs or Boucher, a Hussey or Gayle, a Styris or McCullum and always expect Sachin, Sehwag and Ganguly to score all the time, every time, you have missed a vital ingredient of sport.

If you cannot cheer for a West Indies, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, or South Africa, and always expect India, India and India to win, you have missed an even more vital ingredient.

To paraphrase C.L.R. James, “What do they know of cricket who only India and Sachin know?”

K.S. Ranjitsinhji, the very same man after whom the Ranji Trophy is named, wrote a small prayer. It is a prayer that should find place on the tables of everybody who loves and watches this game, the day after India was felled by the better team of the day.

‘O Powers that be, make me to observe and keep the rules of the game. Help me not to cry for the moon. Help me neither to offer nor to welcome cheap praise. Give me always to be a good comrade. Help me to win if I may win, but—and this O, Powers, especially—if I may not win, make me a good loser.”

Cities of India

2009-03-18T22:12:00.001-07:00

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and.
They start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,sees them and walks
on.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make
peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their
Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in Amritsar

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software
Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the
program.
That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes
in.
That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All
sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being
friends.
You are in Goa

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly opens a chai-stall & a thattukada...

U R NOW IN KERALA

Katrina and Ranbir kapoor in Infosys Chennai (M-City) - shooting of "Ajab pyar ki gazab kahani"

2009-03-10T00:01:00.001-07:00

Infosys Bangalore NEW Auditorium - Capacity 1400

2009-03-08T22:18:00.001-07:00

Salient features:

It has VIP dress circle in the top floor.
The hall has the state of the art sound and music system.
During music concerts, the whole stage would become like a box so that the sound comes in a uniform way and the quality is maintained. This is for the first time in India.
The stage has moving ceiling with lights on it which is also the first time in India.
The ceiling has colour changing lights which have been done with so much of sophistication.
There are language translation cabins for people who wants them… (6 different language translations are available)
The lights in the auditorium gives the feel of the old premier theaters…like the one which they showed in Om Shanti Om
There are cameras which do the recording of live programs.
The control room has movie projectors.
This is second largest hall in India which serves this many purposes.

Hypnotism!!

2009-01-23T01:19:00.001-08:00
Hypnotism!! :) :)

It was opening night at the Orpheum Theater and Amazin' Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.

As Amazin' Eileen took to the stage, she announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Amazin' Eileen withdrew beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat. "I want each of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations. "

She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch ...."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, all were hypnotised ....... until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces ...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theatre thereafter…

Hierarchy...

2009-01-23T01:18:00.001-08:00

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, 'My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father' '.

The second Catholic man chirps, 'My son is a bishop.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace''.

The third Catholic gent says, 'My son is a cardinal.
When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence' '.

The fourth Catholic man chirps, 'My son is the Pope.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness''.

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
the four men give her a subtle, 'Well...?'

She replies, 'I have a daughter. She is slim, tall and 36-24-36.
When she walks into a room, people say, 'Oh God !....' '.

Kabhi Honda Chalaya KYAAAAA ?

2008-12-31T02:01:00.000-08:00

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45 KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came zooooooooooooooooming on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari 'Kabhi Honda chalaya kya?'
and sped off....The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.

After some time the Sardarji came zoooooooooom... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again 'kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and speed off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the Sardar was teasing about his driving.

After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car .

The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.. He got down and mocked at the

sardar

' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaye kya?'

The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond raha tha'!!

Standard Pakistani response template

2008-12-30T02:31:00.001-08:00

Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/~~Atal Bihari Vajpayee~~/~~Narasimha Rao~~ /~~Rajiv Gandhi~~,

Pakistan strongly condemns / ~~is shocked by~~ / ~~is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters"~~in the loss of dozens / ~~hundreds~~ / ~~thousands~~ / ~~millions~~ of innocent lives in the bomb blasts / ~~sniper attack~~ / ~~hijacking~~ / ~~religious riots~~/ ~~other disaster~~ that occurred in ~~a busy marketplace~~/ ~~train~~/ ~~housing colony~~ / ~~Indian parliament building~~ / an upper-class hotel / ~~temple~~in Mumbai / ~~Delhi~~ / ~~Kashmir~~ / ~~Assam~~/ ~~Punjab~~ / ~~Gujarat~~ / ~~Other~~.

The Pakistani ~~citizens~~ / ~~soldiers~~ / "freedom fighters" / ~~"friendship agents"~~ / ~~students~~who were ~~caught red-handed~~ / ~~found dead at the scene of the crime~~ / convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian / ~~American~~ / ~~Israeli~~ agents. Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be ~~rewarded handsomely~~ / dealt with severely / ~~promoted to Lt. Colonel~~ / ~~given a new Indian passport and sent back to India~~/ ~~handed over to the Americans~~ as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.

There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps / ~~terrorist camps~~ / ~~madrasaas~~ in Azad Kashmir / ~~Afghanistan~~/ ~~Nepal~~/ ~~Bangladesh~~. The ~~satellite images~~ / ~~photographs~~ / ~~eyewitness accounts~~/ videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians ~~is fraudulent~~/ ~~fake~~ / ~~inconclusive~~ / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and part of a larger RAW / ~~CIA~~conspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by ~~stalling democracy~~ / encouraging sectarian violence / ~~undermining Pakistani institutions~~ / ~~causing the next military coup in Pakistan~~. A destabilized Pakistani government / ~~mafia~~could cause Pakistanto become a dangerous nuclear WalMart / ~~Target~~/ ~~Seven-Eleven~~ and a terrorist breeding ground / ~~university~~/ ~~research lab~~ that would be worse for the world.

We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent ~~India-Pakistan cricket~~ ~~series~~ / ~~Lahore~~ ~~bus yatra~~ / ~~Muzafarabad-Srinagar road opening~~/ ~~Bollywood peace concert~~ / open borders initiative / ~~other confidence-building measures~~. We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians / ~~resolving the core issue of Kashmir~~ / ~~developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses.~~

We stand by / ~~are plotting against~~ our Indian brethren in their hour / ~~days~~ / ~~years~~ / ~~decades~~of pain.

Signed,

Asif Ali Zardari
President, Pakistan/ ~~Chief Operating Officer, Taliban Inc~~. / ~~General, Pakistani Army~~

NO ESCAPE.....

2008-12-30T01:09:00.000-08:00

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were

Traveling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of

Them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of

them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public

positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before

a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived

notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English

test.

PVNR is asked to spell “INDIA” and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell “ENGLAND” and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell “CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus

forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance

assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal

platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and

passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."

Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now

requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take

any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?" He replied "1947" and

passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000

Or 300,000.

Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.

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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died

in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... :)

Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness...

2008-12-30T01:06:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.
"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were alrea dy hidden-except "Love ". For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love". "Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found
"Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to
find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush." "Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into the room and sa w what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always accompanied by Madness.!