Top 50 Physics Major Pick-Up Lines

 Top 50 Physics Major Pick-Up Lines

1. Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
2. What's your resonance frequency?
3. Your lab bench, or mine?
4. Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
5. Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
6. Wanna couple our equations tonight?
7. I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
8. Might I integrate your curves tonight?
9. I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
10. Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
11. Einstein had great hair, didn't he? I just love your hair.
12. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
13. I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
14. What's that great perfume? Vacuum grease?
15. I love you. Please don't turn away from me just because I'm a physics major. Oh, okay, I'll leave.
16. A freak lab explosion left me with this 16-inch penis.
17. You're more special than relativity.
18. Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
19. Top quark or bottom quark?
20. Bartender, bring this fine lady a Scotch and H2O. Hey baby, that's just my way of saying Scotch and Water. You like?
21. That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
22. Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?
23. I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
24. I have e=nhf tattooed somewhere else. Wanna see?
25. Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
26. Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
27. Let's exchange fermions!
28. Even the O2 you exhale is fiz-ine!!!
29. I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
30. Can I have your significant digits?
31. Hey baby, what's your sine?
32. Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
33. Wanna expand my polynomial?
34. Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. No, it's alright, I'll just go over there.
35. You and Me = Grand Unification
36. I saw your empty valence shell from way over there. Did I mention that my nickname is Sodium?
37. My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
38. I'll make you dinner. I'll make you breakfast. But in between, we'll have to have some dessert. And I'm a physics major.
39. How much do you charge? My paper-grading job doesn't pay a lot.
40. Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
41. Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
42. My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. Bitch.
43. I could get you Roahn Winer's autograph.
44. How do you feel about group experiments?
45. I got a pocket full of radium and my homeboys do too.
46. Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
47. In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
48. I swear I'm not a physics major.
49. Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
50. You make me want to be a better physicist. 

Make the woman happy.

 In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry,  that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return
with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawa iian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

 

Dealing with Rejection!

A handsome man in his early-thirties enters his favorite restaurant and sits at his regular table. Looking around, he notices a really gorgeous woman, in her mid-twenties, sitting at a table nearby, all alone, sipping on a glass of white wine. He calls the waiter over and asks him to send her their most expensive bottle of Champagne, with his compliments, knowing that if she accepts it then she is his.

The waiter gets the chilled bottle in a bucket and takes it out for the approval of the girl saying, "This is from the gentleman over there", pointing towards the man. She regards the wine coolly for a second, takes out a note paper and pen and writes a note for the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, at least a million dollars in the bank and you must have seven inches in your pants".

After reading the note, the man composed a reply. He handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady and to bring the champagne back to him.

The reply read: "For your information - I happen to have a Ferrari F430, a BMW M6, a Mercedes 600 and a 500 SLR in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the banks... But, even for a woman as beautiful as you, I would NOT CUT OFF TWO INCHES. So, please, just send the bottle back".

 

 

Infosys Bangalore NEW Auditorium - Capacity 1400 - Pictures

Siddhu quotes

 

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados. Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the
only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10.As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11.The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

19. One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

20. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason. 

Superman was feeling bored

10 on 10 . Its a classic.


Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and
wanted to go out and party.

He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some
young girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see if he
Fancied a few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to
see if she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed
With her legs open and her eyes closed.

Superman thought to himself,

"So exotic, should I or shouldn't I ...wait ....I'm faster than a
speeding bullet! I can be in there out again before she knew what
happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off
happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, "What is going on? Did you
hear anything ...?"
..
..
..
..
..
..  
..
..
..
..
..  
..
..
..

Hollow -Man replied, "No! But....... my ASS hurts like hell!!!!!"  

RENT FOR APARTMENT

 

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night
with her for £500.He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he
tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his
secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR
APARTMENT." On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing
that the whole event was not worth the price! So he has his secretary send a
check for £250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of £250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented
the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for £250
with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if
you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please
don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.