After drinking a lot also, I am fine...HEcK...

Tippi - The Wildest Girl in the World

shepherd and the man

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the
side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a
halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban
sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out
and
asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you

give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock

of
grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,
enters
a NASA Webster, scans the

Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with

logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his
high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep
here."

The shepherd cheers,"that's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without
being
called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already
knew,
and third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can I have my DOG back?" 
   

It is Easy to make a Man Happy... But making a woman happy...

 

 

To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. Give her compliments regularly 45.. Love shopping 46. be honest 47. be very rich 48. Not stress her out 49. Not look at other girls ????????? AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 53. Never to forget: * Birthdays * Anniversaries * Arrangements she makes & HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY?: 1. Leave him alone

 

Laptops uses... real funny

Before And After Salary

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.  The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"   "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order " That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.  The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.  This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.  "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.   "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."  Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"  "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."   "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"  The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."