Kabhi Honda Chalaya KYAAAAA ?

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45 KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came zooooooooooooooooming on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari 'Kabhi Honda chalaya kya?' and sped off....The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the Sardarji came zoooooooooom... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again 'kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and speed off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the Sardar was teasing about his driving. After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.. He got down and mocked at the sardar ' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaye kya?' The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond raha tha'!!

Standard Pakistani response template

Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/Atal Bihari Vajpayee/Narasimha Rao /Rajiv Gandhi,


Pakistan strongly condemns / is shocked by / is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters"in the loss of dozens / hundreds / thousands / millions of innocent lives in the bomb blasts / sniper attack / hijacking / religious riots/ other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace/ train/ housing colony / Indian parliament building / an upper-class hotel / templein Mumbai / Delhi / Kashmir / Assam/ Punjab / Gujarat / Other.

The Pakistani citizens / soldiers / "freedom fighters" / "friendship agents" / studentswho were caught red-handed / found dead at the scene of the crime / convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian / American / Israeli agents. Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded handsomely / dealt with severely / promoted to Lt. Colonel / given a new Indian passport and sent back to India/ handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.

There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps / terrorist camps / madrasaas in Azad Kashmir / Afghanistan/ Nepal/ Bangladesh. The satellite images / photographs / eyewitness accounts/ videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians is fraudulent/ fake / inconclusive / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and part of a larger RAW / CIAconspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by stalling democracy / encouraging sectarian violence / undermining Pakistani institutions / causing the next military coup in Pakistan. A destabilized Pakistani government / mafiacould cause Pakistanto become a dangerous nuclear WalMart / Target/ Seven-Eleven and a terrorist breeding ground / university/ research lab that would be worse for the world.

We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent India-Pakistan cricket series / Lahore bus yatra / Muzafarabad-Srinagar road opening/ Bollywood peace concert / open borders initiative / other confidence-building measures. We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians / resolving the core issue of Kashmir / developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses.

We stand by / are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour / days / years / decadesof pain.

Signed,

Asif Ali Zardari
President, Pakistan/ Chief Operating Officer, Taliban Inc. / General, Pakistani Army

 

 

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were

Traveling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of

Them died.

 

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

 

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

 

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

 

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of

them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public

positions, etc.

 

Then why the differential treatment?

 

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before

a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived

notions.

 

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English

test.

 

PVNR is asked to spell “INDIA” and he does it correctly.

 

Advani is asked to spell “ENGLAND” and he too passes.

 

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell “CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

 

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

 

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus

forced to fail with false intent.

 

 

 

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance

assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal

platform for all three).

 

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and

passes.

 

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

 

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."

Tough one. He fails again.

 

 

 

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

 

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now

requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

 

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take

any more tests.

 

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?" He replied "1947" and

passed.

 

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

 

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000

Or 300,000.

Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

 

It's Laloo's turn now.

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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died

in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

 

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... :)

 

 

Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness...

 

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.
"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were alrea dy hidden-except "Love ". For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love". "Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found
"Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to
find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush." "Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into the room and sa w what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always accompanied by Madness.!
 
 

Drug Addicts

 

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers..... .....

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"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"

 

Men are mars and Women from Venus -- Hilarious

Subject: Men are mars and Women from Venus -- Hilarious

 

 

 

Here's a prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered
by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class
assignment.

 

The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

 

'As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to
me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'

 

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca
and Gary.

 

*THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) *

 

At first, Jennifer couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

 

*(second paragraph by Gary) *

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he
said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it's pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel', Jennifer read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed

 

unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she
pondered wistfully.

 

*(Gary) *

 

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Jennifer.

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

 

*(Gary) *

 

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of V@lium. 'Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F****** TEA??? Oh no, what
am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!'

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

A$$hole.

 

*(Gary) *

 

B****!

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

 

*(Gary)*

 

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

 

*(TEACHER) *

 

A+ - I really liked this one.

 

 

 

 

Are you ready for marriage. 3 ways to find out If you are ready for marriage

Are you ready for marriage ?

 

 

This one  is for all those, who have been bluffed by their partners, that they are ready for the Big 'M'. Believe me you can always fool yourself to think that you are, but there are some Scientific Techniques of finding out the truth.

So it's simple now, just follow any of these listed techniques, and find it for yourself.

1: The Room Trap Technique
Technique Summary: This is a very easy and efficient way to find out. Here's how you can do it.

One fine day enter into your bedroom, take a big iron lock, and lock your room from inside. and then throw the key outside from the window. make sure that you don't have anything of interest with you in the room. No laptops, mobile, videos etc...

Now if you are able to stay in that room, without any problem, till someone discovers that you have been in that room for last 2 days, without any food, water and entertainment. It means that you are ready to Go!

Else, if you start feeling TRAPPED! and you start crying for help, you want to get out, but you have no key and you feel helpless....then you have got it, it's what the marriage is all about! stay away from it

2: The Credit Card Abuse Technique
Technique Summary: On one fine day go to a busy market street, and drop your credit card on the road and you are all set, just come back to home. and sit relaxed for month, and wait for your credit card statement to come.

Now please go through the bill and details of how your credit card got abused. If you can take all this and still smile and are in position to pay the bill, then you are ready! just say those words "I do"

Else please understand that your credit card will be abused like this for the rest of your life, and you will have to take all this with a smile on your face. so think twice before you do the DO!

3: The Chewing Gum Technique
Technique Summary: A very simple, quick but effective technique. Go to your nearest super store and buy a single chewing gum. Now put into your mouth and start chewing it, enjoy the sweet flavored juices, which will flow in your mouth for sometime, then the chewing will start turning tasteless, and bland. now you will be tempted to spit the gum and replace with a fresh one. so the real test starts now. You have to keep chewing that gum for the rest of the day. no sweetness, no artificial flavors, no juices, Just a piece of rubber in your mouth.

If you can do it successfully, then the gates of marriage are open and also welcoming you in. Else, some relationships can become like a stale chewing gum, and you have to get used to them, before you get into them.


Hope the above mentioned techniques, will help you in take this important decision of life. These techniques are certified by ISO 2008 Indian Govt Quality Process. Please note that the govt. officials were not bribed to get this done!

 

 

Story of Shah Rukh Khan starrer Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

 

The storyline of Shah Rukh Khan starrer Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, which is set for a December release, was being kept as a guarded secret.

There were reports that the script was only told to the three lead characters - Shah Rukh Khan, Anushka Sharma and Vinay Pathak. But now it has been leaked.

So, here's the storyline, apparently the film is a very earthy romantic film about Shah Rukh Khan who is married to Anushka Sharma and there is a huge age difference between them and they are not what one would call a perfect couple. They are merely stretching their marriage with no real romance in between them. They are two very different people. There's reality dance show called Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi - which is the main backdrop of the movie. The show is on the lines of popular television show, Nach Baliye.

Aaparently Anushka wants to take part in the dance competition but she can't because her husband is old and not hip and happening she fears that if she dances with him, she will lose the show and become the laughing stock among all her friends, who are taking part in the same.

Shah Rukh Khan overhears his wife's problem and decides to go in for a makeover. He then watches some movies and changes his image completely and comes back to the show and woos Anushka off her feet.

All the way through the dance competition, she keeps falling in love with this new and improved Shah Rukh Khan, without once realising that the man she is dancing with is her real husband."

Yash Raj films has refused to comment on it.

 

Source : http://movies.ndtv.com/newstory.asp?section=Movies&id=ENTEN20080071822

 

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Confession

 

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he
told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.


With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son
but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't
tell your mother.''


The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up
frustrated cause the response was still the same.


So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the
girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''


His mother smiling said to him,


''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his
son!'' 
 

 

Difference between appraisal and resignation

 

Difference between appraisal and resignation         A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"   Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "   Trainee: "Yes I do"   Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"   Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation   **********   In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.       In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.       **********   In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.       In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.   **********   During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.       During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.   **********   There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.       There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.       **********   Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"   **********

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) About Me RyDER The Man who has never been tired of enjoying the wonders of the world. Beauty, Technology and Love Powers his actions. View my complete profile HiT LiST Blog Archive ►  2009 (50) ►  November (1) ►  October (7) ►  May (2) ►  April (4) ►  March (34) ►  January (2) ▼  2008 (225) ▼  December (6) Kabhi Honda Chalaya KYAAAAA ? Standard Pakistani response template NO ESCAPE..... Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness... Drug Addicts Men are mars and Women from Venus -- Hilarious ►  November (10) Are you ready for marriage. 3 ways to find out If ... Story of Shah Rukh Khan starrer Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi Confession Difference between appraisal and resignation ►  October (9) ►  September (24) ►  August (13) ►  July (163) ►  2007 (18) ►  September (9) ►  August (9)