.A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes' 

 

 

Honey!!! Old Couple Joke

An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart etc. The couple had been married almost  50 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.
 
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names' The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!' :D

 

 

Men are better friends

 

Men are better friends  Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that. Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them! Conclusion: Men are better friends!!

Vintage George Carlin

 

 

 

 R.I.P., Mr. Carlin - nails life in his inimitable style.

 

Always do whatever's next.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Fighting for peace is like scr*wing for virginity.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Religion is just mind control.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

The status quo sucks.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Think off-center.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

 

Train Joke

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though
initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were
tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the
lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into
the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we
pretend that we're married?"

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

And she said.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"Then get up and take it yourself"!!

 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Never try to outsmart a woman

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.    Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, Wait a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The!loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him". "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!!!?"

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it,he can spend it!!!" 

 

Store 256GB on an A4 sheet....Now Data Can be Stored on Paper

Store 256GB on an A4 sheet 

 New cheap bio-degradable storage

Chris Mellor, Techworld

24 November 2006How much information can you store on an A4 sheet? Well, according to some new technology designed by

an Indian engineering student, an extraordinary 256GB.

With new "rainbow technology", devised by Sainul Abideen who has just completed an MCA degree in

Kerala, data can be encoded into coloured geometric shapes and stored in dense patterns on paper.

Files such as text, images, sounds and video clips are encoded in "rainbow format" as coloured circles,

triangles, squares and so on, and printed as dense graphics on paper at a density of 2.7GB per square inch.

The paper can then be read through a specially developed scanner and the contents decoded into their

original digital format and viewed or played. The encoding and decoding processes have not been revealed.

Using this technology an A4 sheet of paper could store 256GB of data. In comparison, a DVD can store

4.7GB of data. The Rainbow technology is feasible because printed text, readable by the human eye is a

very wasteful use of the potential capacity of paper to store data. By printing the data encoded in a denser

way much higher capacities can be achieved.

Update: But following this article and widespread coverage of the claims, the claimed storage technology

has been widely and roundly dismissed as not possible. See our article "Can you get 256GB on an A4

sheet? No way!" for a full rundown.

We have also come across some interesting new technology from Xerox for the next generation of

barcodes, where huge amounts of information are stored in a tiny readable space.

Paper is, of course, bio-degradable, unlike CDs or DVDs. And sheets of paper also cost a fraction of the

cost of a CD or DVD.

Abideen has demonstrated a 45-second video clip being encoded on paper, termed by him, a rainbow video

disk - RVD - and then played back through a computer with an RVD scanner attached. In another

demonstration he has shown 432 A4 pages of paper rainbow format-encoded and stored on a two-inch by

two-inch square of paper.

He says that smaller scanners could fit inside laptop computers or mobile phones, and read SIM card-sized

RVD's containing 5GB of data.

The recording media could be either paper or plastic sheets. Such media are making a comeback - witness

yesterday's story about re-writable paper. 

THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD - India's Gold Medal

Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.

This week's column hits the bull's eye! (pun intended)

THIS WEEK'S COLUMN:

'THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD'

In case you missed the news, in case you were sleeping under
a rock or just got released from Guantanamo, India won its
first-ever individual gold medal at the Beijing Olympics,
causing 1.1 billion people to jump up and down with joy,
touching off a minor earthquake in California and a major
interruption in tech support.

Yes, an Indian man won an Olympic gold medal -- and without
all his opponents getting injured. Abhinav Bindra, a
25-year-old from Delhi, won first place in the 10m air rifle
event, beating 50 other shooters, including that great
Albanian marksman Imer Gudschot.

So excited were members of the Indian Olympic Association,
so taken in this moment of high-fives and champagne-popping,
that some of them checked the official medal table to see if
India had moved past America. No such luck, of course, but
that didn't stop Indians from celebrating like it was the
greatest Olympic achievement ever. And who can blame them?
After all, it was their first individual gold medal since
India began competing in the Olympics more than a century
ago, back in the days when 'catapulting' was an official
sport.

'The drought is over!' screamed one newspaper's headline,
causing even more celebration across the land, particularly
in the farming community.

It was a shining moment for India on the world's greatest
sporting stage. As one Indian politician eloquently put it,
'Abhinav Bindra has shooted us all into glory!'

Almost everyone in India, from the Prime Minister to the
church minister, heaped praise on Bindra. Even members of
the Indian Astronomers Association, attending a convention
in Pune, took a break from the proceedings to applaud the
'shooting star.'

Congratulatory messages poured into India from all over the
world. U.S. presidential candidate John McCain, hoping to
endear himself to Indian-American voters, sent a
congratulatory card that he said was 'from one straight
shooter to another.'

Indian legislators debated a motion to celebrate Aug. 11
every year as Gold Medal Day. They voted down a proposal to
display Bindra's medal at a national museum in Delhi, amid
fears that the building would not be able to handle the
millions who would come to view it.

The excitement and celebration may have seemed overblown,
but not to Indians. 'People around the world may not know
this,' a Chennai man said, 'but we Indians really love
gold!'

Bindra's victory, combined with shooter Rajyavardhan Singh
Rathore's silver medal at the 2004 Olympics, is expected to
increase the popularity of shooting in India, drawing
thousands of youngsters to shooting competitions and
exhibitions during breaks from cricket.

'We want shooting to be more popular in India,' said sports
administrator Baljit Singh, 'but not as popular as it is in
America.'

Hoping to match the success of TGC (The Golf Channel) in
America, media mogul Rupert Murdoch announced that Indian
viewers would soon be treated to TSC (The Shooting Channel).
It's expected to feature various shooting competitions from
around the world, as well as reruns of the American shows
'Gunsmoke' and 'Have Gun Will Travel.'

Rajesh Patel, who has been hired as a TSC analyst, said
Bindra's victory will have a lasting impact in India, even
on sports announcing. 'We're not going to say that someone's
performance is 'simply wonderful' anymore,' he said. 'We're
going to say that it's 'simply Bindraful.''

Schoolchildren for years to come will learn about Bindra,
thanks partly to an Indian publisher who has already put out
a special alphabet book: 'A is for Abhinav. Abhinav is first
name of champion. B is for Bindra. Bindra is surname of
champion. C is for Chapati. Chapati is food of champion.'

Bindra has not just earned a lifetime of adulation, he has
become India's most eligible bachelor, receiving a flood of
marriage proposals. Said his proud mother: 'We have received
proposals from North Indians, South Indians, even West
Indians.'

Indeed, a Trinidad dairy farmer with a 20-year-old daughter
offered 1,000 cows in dowry, but Bindra turned down the
offer, saying he doesn't want to milk his fame.

That pleased Indian sports fans, who want Bindra to choose
his bride carefully, believing that the country's future
Olympic glory rests partly on what type of genes his
children inherit. Some are even dreaming of a match between
Bindra and badminton star Saina Nehwal, an Olympic
quarterfinalist. But that would be folly, according to one
Indian scientist, who said, 'If we match a badmintoner with
a shooter, we might end up with a badshooter.'

 

 

Man - Privilage thoughts

Thought 1

 

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.' The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

This is the best!!!
Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'

 

The whole audience including priest started laughing.......... but not the poor groom!

 

Free Heart Surgery - Sathya Sai Institute

#end

Free Heart Surgery - Sathya Sai Institute

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Specially for IT Proffesionals....

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

 

 

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RyDER

The Man who has never been tired of enjoying the wonders of the world. Beauty, Technology and Love Powers his actions.

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    • Singh is king !!
    • Honey!!! Old Couple Joke
    • Men are better friends
    • Vintage George Carlin
    • Train Joke
    • Never try to outsmart a woman
    • Store 256GB on an A4 sheet....Now Data Can be Stor...
    • THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD - India's Gold Medal
    • Man - Privilage thoughts
    • Free Heart Surgery - Sathya Sai Institute
    • Free Heart Surgery - Sathya Sai Institute
    • Specially for IT Proffesionals....
    • Will the world end tomorrow?
    • Family problems...
    • Crocodile vs. leopard...AWESOME
    • Hey, Sam! How ya doin?
    • Happy Onam ... The Grand Onam Festival
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    • The best presentation of Happy Life
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