Kabhi Honda Chalaya KYAAAAA ?

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45 KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came zooooooooooooooooming on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari 'Kabhi Honda chalaya kya?' and sped off....The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the Sardarji came zoooooooooom... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again 'kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and speed off, This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the Sardar was teasing about his driving. After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.. He got down and mocked at the sardar ' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda Chalaye kya?' The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Brakes kahaan hain dhoond raha tha'!!

Standard Pakistani response template

Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/Atal Bihari Vajpayee/Narasimha Rao /Rajiv Gandhi,


Pakistan strongly condemns / is shocked by / is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters"in the loss of dozens / hundreds / thousands / millions of innocent lives in the bomb blasts / sniper attack / hijacking / religious riots/ other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace/ train/ housing colony / Indian parliament building / an upper-class hotel / templein Mumbai / Delhi / Kashmir / Assam/ Punjab / Gujarat / Other.

The Pakistani citizens / soldiers / "freedom fighters" / "friendship agents" / studentswho were caught red-handed / found dead at the scene of the crime / convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian / American / Israeli agents. Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded handsomely / dealt with severely / promoted to Lt. Colonel / given a new Indian passport and sent back to India/ handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.

There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps / terrorist camps / madrasaas in Azad Kashmir / Afghanistan/ Nepal/ Bangladesh. The satellite images / photographs / eyewitness accounts/ videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians is fraudulent/ fake / inconclusive / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and part of a larger RAW / CIAconspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by stalling democracy / encouraging sectarian violence / undermining Pakistani institutions / causing the next military coup in Pakistan. A destabilized Pakistani government / mafiacould cause Pakistanto become a dangerous nuclear WalMart / Target/ Seven-Eleven and a terrorist breeding ground / university/ research lab that would be worse for the world.

We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent India-Pakistan cricket series / Lahore bus yatra / Muzafarabad-Srinagar road opening/ Bollywood peace concert / open borders initiative / other confidence-building measures. We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians / resolving the core issue of Kashmir / developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses.

We stand by / are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour / days / years / decadesof pain.

Signed,

Asif Ali Zardari
President, Pakistan/ Chief Operating Officer, Taliban Inc. / General, Pakistani Army

 

 

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were

Traveling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of

Them died.

 

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

 

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

 

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

 

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of

them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public

positions, etc.

 

Then why the differential treatment?

 

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before

a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived

notions.

 

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English

test.

 

PVNR is asked to spell “INDIA” and he does it correctly.

 

Advani is asked to spell “ENGLAND” and he too passes.

 

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell “CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

 

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

 

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus

forced to fail with false intent.

 

 

 

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance

assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal

platform for all three).

 

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and

passes.

 

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

 

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."

Tough one. He fails again.

 

 

 

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

 

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now

requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

 

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take

any more tests.

 

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?" He replied "1947" and

passed.

 

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

 

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000

Or 300,000.

Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

 

It's Laloo's turn now.

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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died

in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

 

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... :)

 

 

Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness...

 

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.
"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were alrea dy hidden-except "Love ". For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love". "Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found
"Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to
find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush." "Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into the room and sa w what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always accompanied by Madness.!
 
 

Drug Addicts

 

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers..... .....

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"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"

 

Men are mars and Women from Venus -- Hilarious

Subject: Men are mars and Women from Venus -- Hilarious

 

 

 

Here's a prime example of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered
by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class
assignment.

 

The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

 

'As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to
me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'

 

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca
and Gary.

 

*THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) *

 

At first, Jennifer couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

 

*(second paragraph by Gary) *

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he
said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it's pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel', Jennifer read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed

 

unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she
pondered wistfully.

 

*(Gary) *

 

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Jennifer.

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

 

*(Gary) *

 

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of V@lium. 'Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F****** TEA??? Oh no, what
am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!'

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

A$$hole.

 

*(Gary) *

 

B****!

 

*(Rebecca) *

 

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

 

*(Gary)*

 

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

 

*(TEACHER) *

 

A+ - I really liked this one.