Sridevi ..Beautiful even at 46...

Good!!!!

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant -- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!" 

OMAX - Wide angle lenses - Ad.

 

NONSENSE: DARE TO READ!!

>
> Mind Boggling..  ul break ur head tryin to understand dis…  :)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 1975 Jan 1
>
>
>
>
>
> It is about five in the morning. Father (I am not bothering with names)woke up with a start. Many years had passed since he had founded the orphanage.
>
>
>
>
>
> He had named it "X-Orphanage", a rather funny name. But looking back ,everything about his life seemed funny now. Hearing some noise outside, Father decided to have a look.
>
>
>
>
>
> A child lay there in front of the orphanage. It was a girl. Seeing her abandoned like this in the cold morning ,Father felt a sense of anger for the the merciless being who had thrown her away like this. He took her in his arms. He would raise her like his own child.
>
>
>
>
>
> 17 Years Later
>
>
>
>
>
> The girl has grown up now. She is now staying in a hostel. She meets a man and falls in love with him. She gets pregnant. The man disappears.
>
>
>
> She is thrown out of the Hostel.
>
>
>
>
>
> Father comes and takes her back to the orphanage. She gives birth to a girl but the baby is mysteriously stolen. Unable to bear all this, the Father commits suicide.
>
>
>
>
>
> Due to some problems concerning the delivery, the girl went to see a Doctor. The doctor having examined her ,said with a sad ex-pression on his face, "Adrenalo Sytosis, a serious case of hormone imbalance". An operation was performed in which the doctor had to change the sex of the patient.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The girl was now transformed to a man.
>
>
>
>
>
> The man was very depressed because he had lost his child, the father had committed suicide, his lover had betrayed him , he had to change sex and so on. He eventually took to drinking.
>
>
>
>
>
> One day he saw that a new bar had opened in his locality. The name of the bar was 'Sangeetha Bar'. He went inside. There he saw a bearded man.
>
>
>
> The bearded man told him that he had a Time Machine and that he could take it. He accepted the gift from the bearded man. He decided to go to the past (to the year 1992)and started the Time Machine.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
>
>
> 1992
>
>
>
>
>
> The man arrives with the Time Machine in the year 1992.There he meets a girl (the same girl who has now become the man) and falls in love with her.
>
>
>
>
>
> The girl gets pregnant. The man, unwilling to marry her ,leaves the town. He goes to another city, earns some money and come backs to the city where the girl lives. He wants to conceal his identity ,so he has grown a beard.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> He starts a bar named 'Sangeetha Bar'. When he was sitting in the bar, a man comes (the same man who was earlier the girl). He gives the Time machine to the man. The man starts the Time Machine and goes to the past.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Suddenly a man wearing a mask comes to the bar. He points a gun at the bearded man ..He says that he has a Time Machine and he will take the bearded man to the past. Taking the bearded man with him, the masked man starts the Time Machine.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> When they reach the past, the masked man gives the Time Machine to the bearded man and runs away. The bearded man finds himself in front of X-Orphanage. He goes inside and finds a woman (the same woman who later becomes the man) lying there with her new born baby. It is a girl. He takes the girl and starts the Time Machine to go to the past (to the year 1975).
>
>
>
>
>
> 1975 Jan 1
>
>
>
>
>
> The bearded man arrives with the girl. He leaves her in front of X-Orphanage. He joins a college, studies hard and becomes a doctor. One day a woman was brought to the hospital. He examines her and finds that it is a serious case of 'Adrenalo Sytosis'. He performs an operation in which he changes her sex. He then starts the Time Machine and goes to the past.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> He arrives at a time of great famine and suffering Seeing all this, he decides to become a priest and to serve the people. He starts an orphanage and names it 'X-Orphanage'.
>
>
>
>
>
> One day(1975 Jan 1), he finds a girl lying in front of the orphanage. He takes her and brings her up like his own child.
>
>
>
>
>
> One day he hears that the girl is pregnant and is thrown out of the hostel. He brings her back to X-Orphanage. She gives birth to a girl.
>
>
>
> The Father wants to go to the future. He wears a mask, takes a gun and starts the Time Machine. He reaches in front of 'Sangeetha Bar'. He goes inside and forces the bearded man to travel along with him to the past.
>
>
>
>
>
> Reaching the past, he feels guilty about forcing the bearded man to come with him. He gives the Time Machine to the bearded man and runs away.
>
>
>
> When he returns, he hears the sad news that the baby is stolen. Unable to bear the sorrow ,he commits suicide.
>  

 

Laid back  Irresponsible Roommate Wanted

Missing your college life. those funfilled carefree days ,Are you cursing da real world with its bills, long work hours, and 2 day weekends!!

Come  …..stay with us…… no rules ….no restriction

WE HAVE THE WORKS  WE HAVE THE ATTITUDE,  WE HAVE THE BIKES    WE NEED SOMEONE TO PITCH IN…

My friends and myself are looking for a friend (note the word friend) to share a lovely 3 BHK at Singassandra . We are a group of Keralites staying together..partying together .. working at Infosys.One of our friends got transferred to Hyderabad. GOD SAVE HIS  SOUL!!!

The house:

-A big airy flat in an apartment big enough for guests/drunken friends lol..

-Three bedrooms with 3 attached bathrooms l

-Big, bright kitchen with work area , Our cooking is famous through out the area ,We have killed more stray dogs with it than all the buses in HOSUR road
-Large living room with 3 balconies

 

 

Your potential roommates:

1.      A jack of all trades who is fun ,happy go lucky and have just written this stuff without his PM seeing.

2.      A quiet guy who owns acres of land in his native town but still prefers to slog his life working in Bangalore . He is the accountant in our group and takes care of all the bills and nick nakes.

3.      An artist who imagines himself to be the next greatest musician after Rahman . He might suddenly come into your room at midnight and makes you listen to his latest attempt.

4.      A casanova who prefers hanging out trekking and hanging out so much that we generally are surprised to see him at home .

5.      An aspiring perfectionist (His biggest dream is to be a model in Parijay 2010) who wakes up at 7 have breakfast from 7 30 , juice at 9 …… u got the idea rite J

 

You :

-          Young at heart  preferably male, though we're getting a bit desperate and, females, if you can make a good case, we may consider it.

-          Infoscion , another techie ,grad student . won the lottery.. whatever. Able to pay the rent and bills on time and in full and do more than hold down the couch all day.

-          Should be ready be ready to come for midnight biking to Nandi hills or  eating out at Paramount/Empire  at 12.

 

Random Info:

ü  Wi-Fi Internet , Cable ,Newspaper ,Milk ,washing machine, Geysers (all the works)

ü  Basketball , Badminton ,Swimming Pool ,Table Tennis , Gym

ü  We'd really like someone interested in being here long-term, like 6 months or longer

ü  We generally will have friends over on weekends .Yes!! , You can bring your friends into the flat , and we will join you to make sure that they have a blasting time.

 

What it will cost you:

-          Rent comes to around 1400 per month

-          Advance is Rs.8571 (Refundable)

-          Maintenance Rs.442 per month

 

 

NO!! We DON'T keep any maid, we generally teamup and clean our own mess because we simply prefer our privacy

 

Okay, so not short, but if you're interested, Call one of us . Thanks! 

 

The Malayali Identity in Alphabets

A:A is for ‘Adipoli’!!! The most done to death and still most well-liked word to express exhilaration, contentment, and almost everything that’s just better than usual.

B:is for bandh!!!!kerala’s best celebrated festival.

C: is for coconut oil....yes!If u are a malayali reading this,u’ll most probably find it in surplus amounts on your head,or on the pazhampori u are munching on right now!For a mallu, life is just incomplete without this!

D:D is for Dasettan or K J Yesudas!Malayali’s very own musical angel.

E:E for elephant!! They have such a special place in every malayali’s heart. Appearing mostly as the main attraction of your temple festival or in your local daily in his most violent form after killing his mahout. But do we stop loving them??naaaaaaaaah!

F:F is for fish!!!fish fry,fish curry,grilled fish,fish pickle, sun dried fish..everyone’s invited!!!

G:G stands for gold!!!No matter how high the prices soar, gold continues to be the malayali woman’s best friend!

H:H is for the hot posters of the matinee adult flicks lavishly stuck all around the town with the most tasteless names.

I: Inquilab Zindabad! Need I say more?

J: J is for Jack fruit,the official fruit of Kerala.

a
K is for our very own KSRTC bus service!!a quite decent transport service compared to its distant cousin..(refer P for that)



L :L is for lungi! The most comfy male attire any one could ever invent!


M is the most important letter in a malayali’s glossary
Ms for ‘maxi’ the official home dress of Kerala!
M stands for Mammooty and Mohanlal the uncrowned kings of Kerala!
Manorama n Mathrubhoomi, the ultimate newspapers u find in Kerala,
Mimicry n mono act, what every malayali does best!……

N:is for Naseer, the most adored hero of all times!!

O:O for Onam,Onakkodi,Onasadya,Ona paattu,Onapookkalam,Onam celebration in workplaces,schools and colleges and of course the never ending Onam shopping!!!

P: Private Buses!with names ranging from 'Unnikuttan'to 'St.Patrick', these come in all bizarre colours equipped with a wide collection of the most irritable mappila paattu ( dhoom machaale otherwise),these are the most deadly killers on the road, housing drivers who’d give Kimi raikkonen a competition, conductors who only know to shout, and the super flirtatious and ultra stylish, ‘kilis’ or cleaners with coloured hair,huge sideburns,long pointed n brightly painted nails n a heavy dose of chandanam from the nearby temple…a very rare species only found in Kerala!

Q:Quotation team ;) ! ! ! ! ! !

R is for reality shows.,the new fad in Kerala.”ningalkkente paattu ishtaayengil enikku vendi sms ayakkuka!sms cheyyande format..xyz space 1234”

S:S is scandals! A malayali’s best source for every day entertainment!
Or sharjah shake,a malayali’s instant tummy pleaser

T: T stands for Tea stalls or chaayakada! malayali’s fave beverage!

U: U is for umbrellas,You’ll find the most amazing collection of umbrellas in kerala with additional plug ins like a torch,a timepiece,a puzzle game and believe it or not..even a thermometer!!

V: V stands for our very own Venad express!

W:W is for White! the colour that best compliments the lush greenery of Kerala, found in the simple mundu and neriyathu with a thin gold border that makes god’s own country look all the more heavenly.

X:Xmas!Xmas cakes!Xmas stars,Xmas cards,Xmas exams,Xmas holidays,Xmas Fathers,Xmas carols,Xmas friend!No one enjoys xmas like malayalis do.

Y: Youth Festivals, an arena to showcase your kids’ myriad talents ,the results of which which often end up in courts.

Z: n finally Z stands for the most toughest letter to pronounce in the world-‘Zha’..well u need to be a mallu to get that right!
 

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

 

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe


New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

“Where the *uck is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

 

CELEBRATE

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
 

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. 
We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !'

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...

CARS

Kolkota Knight Riders

Billionaire Richard Branson has refused a sponsorship deal for  the Kolkota Knight Riders.

He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked  in every game  . 

 For the uninitiated, Richard Branson is the chairman and owner of Virgin Group J 

Vodafone Zoozoos ADs - not animation. humans in body suits.

No, they aren’t animated characters. They are human beings who were made to wear body suits. “The design of the characters is such that one gets fooled into thinking it is animation,” shrugs Rao, which was indeed the very illusion that had to be created. “In a sense, it is ‘live’ animation!” he quips, referring to the fact that it was all shot live.

Prakash Varma, ad filmmaker, Nirvana Films, has directed the commercials, and reveals that the Zoozoos were a big challenge to create. The practical aspects of how they will move, talk, gesticulate and emote were very important. Essentially, costume design and artwork were crucial elements.

“It took me three weeks of pre-production to understand how it will work,” says Varma. There were two fabrics that were considered for the body suits, and one was rejected for it had too many wrinkles and was shiny. The wrinkles would have shown when the characters moved, thereby shattering the illusion of animation. “So we chose the more practical, thicker fabric,” Varma explains.

The production team divided the outfit into two parts: the body and the head. The body part of the outfit was stuffed with foam in some places, while the head was attached separately. To make it look bigger than a human head, a harder material called Perspex was used, which in turn was stuffed with foam (with scope for ventilation).

If one wishes to understand the size of this head, here’s a fact: a human head would typically reach up to the mouth level of this giant Zoozoo head. “We kept the hands and legs thin, which is why we cast women – and occasionally children – wearing the costumes,” says Varma. The thin limbs, contrasted with big bellies and a bulbous head, all add to the illusion that these creatures are ‘smaller’ than humans. Sets were created to suit the size of the Zoozoos.
Cinematically, this ‘size’ was a trick: the creatures look smaller than they actually are on screen, to portray a different world of sorts. For this, the speed of shooting was altered: Nirvana shot it in a high-speed format to make them look the size that they do.
Furthermore, simple sets/backdrops were created and spray painted with neutral Greys – a colour of choice so that attention isn’t diverted from the main characters. For a supposedly ‘outdoor’ shot, even the shadow of a Zoozoo was kept ‘live’ and not done in post production: it was painted in a darker shade of grey on the ground. An even lighting was maintained throughout.
There was virtually no post production work done.
The films were shot by Nirvana in Cape Town, South Africa, with the help of a local production house there, called Platypus. Incidentally, the same combination of people also worked on the ‘Happy to Help’ series last year. When asked whether Cape Town is fast becoming a tourist spot for Vodafone and Nirvana, Varma laughs, saying, “Oh no! It’s just that we are very comfortable with the team there and know what sort of work to expect from them.”
Nagpal adds here that the production cost had to be minimal for unveiling such a large number of commercials. “Otherwise, our production costs would exceed media spends,” he quips.

 

 

 

WHERE AM I?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

 

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

 

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,

drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.

The pilot's sign said, "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

 

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,

drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER". The pilot smiled,

waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport, and landed safely.

 

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

 

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."