Laws to Live by

Zappa’s Law: "There are two things on Earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity."

The Murphy Philosophy: "Smile. Tomorrow will be worse."

Baruch’s Observation: "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

Lowe’s Law: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.

Todd’s Law: "All things being equal, you lose."

Thompson’s Theorem: "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Vac’s Conundrum: "When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal."

The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences: "Whoever has the gold makes the rules."

The Unspeakable Law: "As soon as you mentioned something …
- if it’s good, it goes away.
- if it’s bad, it happens.

Green’s Law of Debate: "Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about."

Helen’s Law: "There is no time like the present to procrastinate."

Sdeyries’s Dilemma: "If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper."

The Queue Principle: "The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line."

Johnson’s Law: "If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read."

Issawi’s Law of Progress: "A shortcut is the longest distance between two points."

Ginsberg’s Theorem:
1. You can’t win.
2. You can’t break even.
3. You can’t even quit the game.